Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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