just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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