Whod you bang
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
