he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
