So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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