My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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