But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
