When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
