Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
