She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
