i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
