like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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