I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
