Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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