Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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