I am in a vortex of obligation.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will be naked everywhere
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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