Swine flu is the new snow day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
FUCK WHALES
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
