Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
