Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
