im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
