Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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