I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize