we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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