Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
