haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
