if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize