So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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