The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
