i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
