Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
