I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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