it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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