everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
