Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
