So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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