I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I enjoy the company of your penis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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