Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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