trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
