sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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