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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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