White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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