Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
