oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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