I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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