I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
