her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
