there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
