So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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