what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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