She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
