Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
