drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
