Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We are two peas in an std pod
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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