I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
