we have officially lost it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
