can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
