I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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