If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
