If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
this hospital has no fireball
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
