Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
