I just threw up on my dentist
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
