now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Boobs speak an international language.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
