So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
and you fell through a lawn chair
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
