After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
