you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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